In Defense of the Skinny Humblebrag

Skinny women are evil? No, have a seat. Photo credit: Paul Punzo

I’m putting my thick skin on for this one.

I recently realized I am guilty of the skinny humblebrag. It’s despicable, I know. (If you don’t know what a humblebrag is, look here or here, and there’s even a book!) For you snarky types, this post can also be summarized as “waah, waah, waah, boo hoo hoo.”

Here’s what happened. The other day, I posted this on my Facebook page:

Never been a fan, but I won’t even lie: The Black Eyed Peas make perfect workout music.i bounce ALLADIS weight off me! LOL ‪#‎cardio‬

My friends and family posted “What weight?!” and protested that they had more weight than I did, or that I had no weight struggle to speak of (the latter was in response to my joke, “YOU DON’T KNOW MY STRUGGLE!”). I love them; it was all in good fun. 

I have been small my entire life, never having passed 4’10”. It took me a long time to accept not only my stature, but also my size and weight. Bigger is better, right? Anything outside of average gets you noticed in somewhat uncomfortable ways, like these:

How much do you weigh?! I could probably bench press you.
You mad low to the ground!
Skinny Minnie!
I’m taller than you! (says every 4th grader I know)

Prego Dara with basketball belly.

At times, being short and small is funny; there is shortage of short jokes. (See what I did there?) Other times, it’s tiring.

In 2012, I had a baby, after which I experienced weight insecurity. I had not crossed 100 lbs prior to pregnancy, but there I was, softly bulging in places where I wasn’t used to roundness. Some of the awkwardness remains. I have a pudgy stomach with an obnoxious belly button. People marvel at how much weight I lost, but they don’t know that I suck in my stomach in public.

I inconsistently exercise, trying this #weightlosschallenge and that #squatchallenge, only to quit by the fourth day. And yet, I am relatively okay with my size overall. Inadvertently, I benefit from a culture that prizes thinness and indulges in thinly veiled fat shaming under the guise of health concern. Realistically, I’m still a small woman. I do not know if am unashamed to share my weight because it is close to “normative” or if my battles with self-confidence have given me that boldness. I can only hope it doesn’t reek too badly of skinny humblebrag.

When I say that I’m going to take some pounds off, I’m not trying to be the skinny chick who slyly points out how out-of-shape you are. It’s because I tussle with body confidence as much as the next woman, whether or not you think I deserve to.

I’m just a girl, in the world/ That’s all that you’ll let me be.  Photo Credit: Reggie Eldridge (www.whoisrjel.com)

When Allure magazine posted Zoe Saldana’s weight on the cover, I cheered a bit. Black women are often expected to be “thick” but not “fat,” slender with roller coaster dips in their frames. It’s up to me to shrug off skinny shaming because I’m not a thickums, as much it’s up to full-figured women to shrug off fat shaming. Who is going to rep for women like me, women who often have more angles than curves, no booty meat to twerk with, and can barely reach five feet tall wearing heels? Every woman is a real woman, and we should all rep our beautiful thick thin short tall selves. Without inward or outward shame.

So, hi. My name is Dara, I’m 4’10”, I weigh 102 lbs, and while I’m not 100% satisfied with my post-baby body, I work daily on loving it.

Love yourself some you today.

Small Business Big-Up: The Lucky Exchange

You don’t have to stay up all night to get lucky; I went in broad daylight!

If you drive too fast down Ponce, you will miss it. The Lucky Exchange is a bright gem of turquoise nestled on the corner of a block also that hosts a Cuban restaurant and a psychic reader’s parlor. I must have been lucky yesterday; I spotted the vintage clothing exchange store on a jaunt in Midtown Atlanta and decided to stop by. The Lucky Exchange buys, sells, and exchanges vintage and fashionable modern duds.

If you can’t find something in here, you GOTTA be unlucky. Photo credit: The Lucky Exchange

Encumbered with my little one and a stroller, I was pleasantly surprised when the owner, Kelly Taylor, rushed over to hold the door open for me.

Immediately to my left, a rack crammed with dresses hung suspended by a wire from the ceiling. The sizes are clearly marked, so I started digging. Normally, thrifting pulls on the short end of my patience and I give up before I can find anything. I am a petite mama, and at 4’10”, rarely do I easily find clothes that flatter my shape.

But lo and behold! The first two dresses I pulled curiously from the rack won my entire day. The third find was closer to a steal: a $5.00 black maxi dress that draped softly across my hips. I twirled in the dressing room mirror and squealed. Maxi dresses are nearly impossible for women the size of third graders. Consider me one happy former third grader.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that The Lucky Exchange also sells great men’s clothing. A gentleman walked into the store and said to the owner, “I drove by and I had to stop in. That pair of plaid pants displayed in the window is amazing! Where did you find that?!” I can relate to his enthusiasm. I rifled through their $5.00 sale bin and had to talk myself out of carrying the entire box to the register.

Kelly Taylor told me that they often carry clothes for small women. I quickly signed up for her updates. The Lucky Exchange was a lucky find for me and if you wear clothes, then I suggest you go see them.

The store has two locations:
212 Ponce De Leon Avenue NE
Atlanta, GA 30308

and

749 Moreland Ave SE #103
Atlanta, GA 30316.

Visit their website at www.luckyexchange.com, or follow them on Twitter @LuckyExchange. If you happen to visit, shout me out, too, and let me know how you liked it!

On the Flipside…2 Chainz May Be Right

Don’t believe me? Just watch. Oh, wait, wrong rapper.

Every once in a while, I listen to the point of view of someone who I’m predisposed to ignore and I am pleasantly surprised. This happened to me yesterday evening when the song “Feds Watching” by rapper 2 Chainz (formerly known as Tity Boi) came on the radio.

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of 2 Chainz’ music. Newer Atlanta rap music largely misses me with its emphasis on end-scheme rhyme and beat over lyricism. Chainz fits comfortably within that mold but he’s grown popular over the last two years. Also, anybody who used to willingly call themselves “Tity Boi” with the third ‘t’ missing gets a permanent side eye from me. Really? No cheeks?!

But “Feds Watching” gave me pause. It has become my Friday jam knock, my carpe diem anthem, my pep talk for personal greatness, and my love letter to young black American men. Alladat? Why, yes. All of that.

Disclaimer: I wholly do not support the rampant use of the words b***** and h*** in this song, or in rap music generally. I think it’s lazy and overly facile to rely on the short I or long O sound in rhyme schemes, as so many rappers do by using the slurs in every single song. Most instances lack craftsmanship. You thought I was going to mention the misogyny? Oh, I guess I just did.

The Lyrics I Loved:

Dreads hang on designer everything
Mr. Comme des Garçons, Mr. Alexander Wang

I love the juxtaposition of dreads with name brands. 2 Chainz has gorgeous long locs and he sets up right from the beginning an image of two things he finds beautiful. Also, because the profile of a young black male with dreadlocks doesn’t fit the usual customer of Comme Des Garçons, he seems to take pride in the cultural clash.

OG’s never fed us, now young n****s fed up

This made me say, “Whoa.” He succinctly voiced a grievance that the older generation didn’t properly pass the baton. This sentiment is especially poignant given the current public debate about Harry Belafonte and rapper Jay-Z’s raptivism and celebrity.

I’mma be fresh as hell if the Feds watching
Drop top, head bopping

Admittedly, this premise is as ignorant as Jessica Simpson thinking that tuna fish cluck underwater. It’s also hilarious. Who hasn’t thought that if today is the day/time/moment I’m going to get caught doing something, I might as well go out with a bang? Check your reflection in the window before the cop pushes your head down. I look good? Cool. And what did I do while this song played? I bopped my head.

2 Chainz in Orange County
2 Chainz with 2 Cupz (Photo credit: demxx)

Also, 2 Chainz gives a cheeky middle finger salute to the (real or imagined) federal agents watching him bop in a car they probably can’t afford. Reminds me of Biggie’s verse in “More Money, More Problems“: “Federal agents mad ‘cuz I’m flagrant.” Oh, hip-hop loves to tease the Feds. I’m not sure how many rappers actually have Feds tailing them. But they sure like to imagine the Feds are clocking their every move, envious because they are young, black, and rich.

Make no mistake, this song is a glorification of a criminal pursuit. No bueno for us straight-laced types. But it’s also a nod to profiling, which dehumanizes and criminalizes innocent men. So even if he is riding dirty, 2 Chainz would like nothing better than to be fresh and clean if agents pull him over and pat him down, if they peg him for a suspect and shoot, no questions asked.

Lastly, I find it important that 2 Chainz reiterates the old adage of carpe diem in his own voice.

Ain’t no such thing as tomorrow
The way we living today

With all of the above threats dangling, he knows he has no claim on a tomorrow. So today, every day, he is about to kill the Feds with his freshness. Gon ‘head, 2 Chainz. I feel you.

Web Crush Wednesday: Allie Brosh

And on the eighth day, God made INTERNET! (Artist: the indisputably amazing Allie Brosh, from “Hyperbole and a Half”)

The Internet and I have this not-so-secret love affair with each other. I try to Get Stuff Done, the Internet whispers sweet nothings in my ear, and hours later, I’m exclaiming that Uncle Phil was the voice of The Shredder on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (How flipping fantastic is that?!)

On one such foray into Internet wilderness of avoidance, I found the blog “Hyperbole and a Half,” by web comic artist Allie Brosh. (Let me tell you, I want to use the A-Word so badly right now to describe her, but I will resist!)

…as long as there is ice cream involved. (Artist: Allie Brosh)

She is brilliant. Her use of Microsoft Paint far exceeds my ability to draw stick figures with the black pen icon, for one. But, as an avid reader and writer, I have a web crush on her needle-sharp wit, which she uses to uncover nuggets of truth I find in my own life. Her writing is resonant to the extent that you forget you’re reading a comic series and are blown away by her poignant observations. You absolutely must read her series on depression here and here. It’s both a tear-jerker and an eye-opener.

How I feel before washing dishes. (Artist: Allie Brosh)

Aliie Brosh also wrote strip titled  “This is Why I’ll Never Be an Adult” that utterly nails my propensity to have pieces of my life pile up around me until I am buried in the evidence of my procrastination. I use the Internet to avoid cleaning, writing, painting my nails, calling people, sending photographs…pretty much anything except eating. I never avoid eating. Allie’s strip is, like so few things on the Internet, The Best Thing in the History of EVER. 

I am delighted that Allie will be coming out with a collection of “Hyperbole and a Half” strips in book form…on my birthday (October 29, 2013). I can’t wait; best believe, it’s on my birthday wish list. (HintHintHintHintHint).

I leave you with this handy dandy chart detailing how productivity is such a fickle thing to come by. Here’s hoping you will both be productive AND check out Allie Brosh’s talent. That would make you an awesome extraordinary human being.

The story of my #@^$* LIFE! (Artist: Allie Brosh)