This story is alternatively titled, That One Time I Almost Fought a Racist Grandma. She was taller than me, but I think I could’ve taken her.
Thanksgiving dinner saw my little family take a drive down I-20 to see relatives in Columbia, South Carolina. There is little to do in Columbia outside of shopping and wearing USC Gamecocks tee shirts while shopping. So the family went shopping.
Our aunt took us to Columbia’s historic downtown, a charming Main Street with faded shops and white tent flea markets. We visited Mast General Store and I nearly bought seven pounds of candy from the dozens of barrels packed with Chico Sticks, Coca Cola gummies, licorice, Fun Dip, and other old school favorites. The thought of a dentist’s bill made me chill on the sweets.
The store fronts along the street were dusty but artfully decorated. One men’s clothing store displayed a pimptastic zebra-print men’s dress shoe. It came with a matching belt, so we HAD to go inside. The room was tiny, no bigger than 600 square feet, crammed with racks of suits with pinstripes of which only Steve Harvey would approve. A middle-aged man and a tiny elderly woman wearing a Christmas sweater greeted us. We all exchanged hellos.
I should pause here to describe who “we” were. “We” were the only black people in the room. We were six deep, split evenly with tall males and short females. Africa manifests itself strongly in my husband’s family, in skin colored richly like fertile soil and dense, coily hair that lends itself to the manes of locs worn by my husband and his cousin. One of the men wore a gray sweatshirt hoodie and windbreaker pants. One of the cousins, the one with locs, is built like a running back, because, well, he is one. My afro bloomed wild and happy as usual.
Funny how you never categorize all the ways you might seem threatening to another person until someone treats you like you actually threatened them.
We headed to the back of the store where we marveled at what appeared to be Bishop Don Magic Juan’s armoire. Gators, snakes, and eelskin, oh my! And…manta ray skin shoes? Oh. Yes. I lightly grazed a steel-toed wingtip, feeling the coolness of metal against my finger. “Handle with care,” a septuagenarian voice wound itself around my hand, and I snapped to attention. I didn’t recall picking anything up. Syrupy smile on her face, Grandma stood no less than five feet away from us, talons gripping the clothing rack for dear life. The younger man also minding the store was still near the counter, busy doing storekeeper stuff. Her eyes never wavered from us. I hadn’t even realized she was stalking us.
I wondered aloud, quite loudly, if those eelskin shoes were actually worth $490.00. Grandma stayed fixed on her perch. Staring. Smiling. So I figured, when in Columbia, do as the potentially racist do: I pointedly turned my head and stared. Unsmiling.
It turns out there is little variation in the land of pimp wear, so we left before my staring contest could become epic. A cousin’s stride was a little too brisk for Grandma; she warned, ” Walk slowly, please.” Nobody was running.
My baby girl had lost a shoe in the back of the store. I went back in to get and Grandma followed me all the way to the end wall. When I picked up the shoe, she motioned for me to walk on the opposite side of the aisle of raggedy Iceberg Slim reject suits. I looked her right in the face and stalked out the way I came in.
True to Southern hospitality, she wished us a good day as we filed out. I had lost all my home training and let the cat hold my tongue before I started something foolish with it.
I don’t know why Grandma felt the need to watch us looking at her gaudy footwear and argyle printed fedoras. But I know it angered me.
I have never been so closely and blatantly studied in a store. But this is America, after all. And if black people can be followed and unjustly arrested in a New York Barney’s, then why not a country-bama closet in deep South Carolina?
There is a need, a yearning, really, to put a name to this sticky tarred feeling I cannot dissolve from my gut. I want to call it racism, profiling, something familiar and comforting to explain the unexplainable. This is why I took stock of our “negatives”: dark skin, too many black people at one time, dreadlocks, maleness, muscles, afros, hoodies. What made us worthy? In the end, it doesn’t matter. You will always resemble a criminal if that’s what people have deluded themselves into seeing when they stare at you.
15 thoughts on “On My First Time Being Racially Profiled”
The fam would’ve had to hold me back, Maura-Maura 🙂
I’m from Kansas. I grew up being asked to allow litlle and no-so-little white girls to touch my hair (10), followed around stores (12), asked if I was carrying a gun or knew “where the weed at?” (13 on). I took advantage of it from time to time, like the time I told a group of white debate students complaining loudly that my school was old and in the ghetto, that roaches took over our school at midnight and ate the people whose smells they weren’t familiar with. Others, I was frustrated and lashed out. We can’t, however, allow ourselves to be flattened by the subtle but occasionally crushing burden of LIVING while Black. These people need prayer and education, so I’m glad you didn’t kick Grandma in her teeth. I do wish, however, that you’d have gone back in there and given her a piece of your mind and a “You need Jesus” before moving on. 🙂
Yup. Funny though, we parallel a lot. I also have a driving while tinted story. 🙂 They never can come up with any reason for pulling us over that hides their blatant desire…to just pull us over.
black yoda, I’m ON IT 🙂 I see you. I do need to go through your archives though. I’ll check out that post.
And hey, I don’t have to wake up to your personal politics in the morning, so my feeling any kinda way usually dissipates after I switch browser tabs lol.
D, I know you feel some kinda way about my personal politics, but I really think you need my blog in your life. We could trade war stories: http://blackyodaprime.blogspot.com/2010/09/problems.html
“the world will ambush us with it when we least expect it.” Yes! When you are going about your business, you will suddenly and inexplicably be too black for someone. Nothing to be done.
Thank you! Although, I wasn’t feeling very dignified or charitable at the time! lol.
as a facilitator for a racial healing program, i often tell my participants that no matter how much Black people may want to not deal with the issue of race, or try to see the world and function in the world without using the prism of race, the world will ambush us with it when we least expect it. we have no choice but to be constantly aware of our race since so often race becomes the issue for other people even when it’s not an issue for us. nice piece. love your descriptions and asides.
That was just horrible. I really felt that atmosphere you described, even though I’m a middle aged white woman. I admire you for going back to get the shoes. And what could you say? They managed to insult you without saying anything that was, of itself, insulting. It was just the appalling meaning behind it. I really admire your dignity.
I wouldn’t be surprised. I think it would make me wholly uncomfortable knowing how closely it lies to the surface. My husband’s cousin played for the Gamecocks and people would go up to him patting him on the back and doing all sorts of favors. But what you said makes me wonder, if he were just another black guy walking down Main Street, would they treat him poorly? Or does football wash all your black man scariness and make you whole? Because Lord knows they adulate some black football players. In name, at least.
The racism factor is bad out there. Four guys I went to College with went to the Clemson/Carolina game. They were telling me about some youngish, drunk white guys who were pulling for Clemson and where liberally using the N-word aloud. Not directly at them but at them, looking for a reaction. My friends chilled but they told me that in there section was a group of older white women who were clearly embarrassed by the incident. More focus needs to be placed on young drunk white guys.
It’s America…you can get it anywhere, apparently.
Well before wordpress was offended by my negrotude, I compose a telling piece of prose describing how tacky Main St in Columbia is while chronicling my first time being profiled as a teen at a debate tourney in Palo Alto, CA in lieu of little old Allendale, SC where I’m from.
DANGIT! no short recap? lol.
WordPress just profiled me and at my comment.